Tucker Max, You Made Me Dumber

Kate Langenburg/A&E Groove

Okay, so I know I am way behind everyone else on this one, but I thought I’d give you my review anyway. I recently finished reading Tucker Max’s book I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell.

Throughout the book, I felt the urge to vomit, cry, and laugh all at the same time. I’m sure that’s probably what Max aims to get from his readers, but I’m not so sure I felt those emotions in such a positive way. Here are my thoughts…

This guy isn't even remotely attractive.

Tucker Max is an asshole. It is a statement that he makes throughout the book and is even the first thing you see when you visit his website. The things he says to girls to make them feel bad are atrocious and it’s no wonder why so many fellow college asshole young americans have clung to this book like their own personal bible. Max gives them new material for when they go out drinking.

The book is filled with Max’s nonsensical stories about times he had sex with girls and did horrible things to them, like vomiting beneath someone’s bed and then blaming it on the dog. Stories about Max making fun of overweight girls run rampant though the book. There are plenty of fart and poop stories, too, just in case you didn’t get enough of those in grammar school.

Perhaps the most offensive parts of this book were the terms he used to refer to women. Let me relay some of those to you: for the slightly overweight ladies — wildebeest, chunker, rhino, fatty. For every day random girls — bitch, whore, etc. And the most disgusting one of all — a receptacle for his ejaculate.

But here’s one of my problems. If you read a lot of books, it’s supposed to make you at least slightly smarter and worldy. After finishing each chapter of this book, I felt dumber. Seriously, I had to force myself to keep reading because I don’t like to give up on books that easily. Mainly, I was just grossed out.

 Also, I’m having a hard time understanding why women seem to be throwing themselves at this guy. Maybe they just like to be treated like shit or maybe it’s just creative writing.

The kicker? In September 2010, Max will be releasing a sequel to his trashy first novel called Assholes Finish First. Great.

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Mike Gordon on Solo Tour

Kate Langenburg/A&E Groove

I am a huge Phish fan. I love ‘em. They make me happy when I am sad and excited when I am feeling lethargic. I just turn on that music and a different part of me comes alive. Although I’ve only seen the band live one time, I have not since had a better concert experience. Therefore, I have categorized my concerts by the following: those before Phish and those after Phish.

I hope he invites Chewbacca to the show.

Since the beginning of last year, the band has been touring once again, after a hiatus that was very uncertain. The band seems to be quite content with the status of their muscianship. They are adored by many fans. However, one member of the band is stepping out to do a solo tour. 

Phish’s bassist, Mike Gordon, is doing a month long set of shows across the eastern United States. He will start on March 5 in New York and end on March 14 in New Hampshire. Mike will be joined by several other musicians on his tour: Scott Murawski (guitar), Todd Isler (drums), Tom Cleary (keyboards), and Craig Myers (percussion). Visit Mike Gordon’s website for complete tour information.  

For those of you in my neck of the woods, this is good news. Mike will be coming right to our very own Sherman Theater in Stroudsburg, PA. That show will happen on March 7. It makes me smile from my head down to my feet.

The news of this tour comes as no surprise, as it seems the members of Phish have a lot of making up to do. I would never go as far to say that they deserted their fans. They didn’t — but many fans were devastated when the band stopped touring. I suppose this is Mike’s way of saying, “sorry guys.”

Thanks, Mike. We all appreciate it.

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To Zelda and JD, R.I.P.

Kate Langenburg/A&E Groove

Two deaths to report today. I guess I’m feeling morbid, but hey, I still want to pay tribute.

Today Zelda Rubenstein passed away from complications of a past heart attack. Do you not know who Zelda Rubenstein is? I didn’t either until I saw her picture. She’s the short lady who performs the exorcisms in the Poltergeist movies.

While her major roles were definitely in Poltergeist, she was also in some other famous flicks, too. She starred in Chevy Chase’s Under the Rainbow, did voice work on the Flintstone Comedy Show, and even had a small role in the teen 80s movie Sixteen Candles.

In an article from Movie Talk, Steven Spielberg’s words were used to describe her: “Good things can come in small packages, and that’s certainly true of Zelda.” She was only 76 years old.

The second death to report today is that of inspiring writer JD Salinger. Perhaps his most famous novel was Catcher in the Rye, a tale about hard times during high school. He was also known for his book of short stories, entitled Nine Stories.

Throughout his career, he was a very hard person to get in touch with, especially for people working in the media. He scoffed at journalists and photographers. To this day, there is evidence of a very small number of interviews with the author. Salinger felt that publishing his works ruined the special nature of it. He rather liked to keep it for himself.

You can read a full article on the life and works of JD Salinger at NPR.com. He was 91 years old.

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Jesus Made Out of Toast

Kate Langenburg/A&E Groove

Bread…you eat it. A toaster…you toast the bread you’re about to eat in it. Mix those two things together and you get a certified religious work of art.

Yeah, really. You read that right. Apparently, a british artist named Adam Sheldon has single handedly toasted individual pieces of bread so that they fit together to form a picture of a crucified Jesus Christ. (Somebody’s got too much time on their hands.) The picture is 1.8 meters long and 1.1 meters wide, making this a pretty large work of art…or food…or whatever.

In an article from Oddity Central, it was posted that “he used a regular toaster to burn the pieces of bread, then dried and flattened them so they would fit in a giant frame. Using a scraping knife he managed to create the lighter parts of the artwork, and darkened the background with a blowtorch.”

The churchgoers at the parish were shocked when they first saw the creation, but then grew to love it. The toast art is on display until the end of this month in the Anglican Chuch of Saint Peter. After that, I wonder what they’ll do with all that stale bread.

And why did he do this? Because mommy dearest asked nicely. Oh, the things we do for the people we love.

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